The true blessing of having choices

After the birth of our second daughter (I'll explain our first daughter's situation later), I needed to go back to work. My husband was changing careers, I was the chief bread winner and provider of health benefits. I was able to work out a decent schedule - 3 days in the office or with clients and the balance of the week working from home.

I was blessed to have my mom take care of Ava two days per week, while my husband was able to watch Ava and Sydney one day per week. Fantastic!! While it was very difficult (I don't think I have the words) I knew I needed to make this happen...or not pay the mortgage!! I at least was able to stay home until Ava was four months old, which was incredible.

As my first year closed in, my sales numbers exceeded targets, I got to see my mom regularly since she and my dad lived @ two hours away, and my husband was experiencing great success in his new career.

When we started thinking about having another baby I developed this deep pit in my stomach. I enjoyed what I did professionally, but it was becoming less satisfying and more stressful not to be home. I never worried about the care of my child, it was a different kind of feeling. One that was bigger than I could explain.

As my husband's success increased and my new pregnancy began, I felt compelled to tell my employer right away that I was not coming back in my role or for the same time commitment. I would help hire and train a replacement, and we'd discuss my ideas for something I could do in less than 20 hours per week. Whew!! Did that feel good to say!!

I started feeling the beginnings of realizing how incredibly lucky I am to have choices in my life. This world is riddled with life situations that don't allow a mother or father to consider choices - single parents have one of the heaviest burdens to carry and it's hard to imagine the stress they manage on a day to day basis. This new feeling of mine would only grow stronger as I welcomed our newest daughter, Calley, to the family. And after she celebrated her first birthday I started re-evaluating my choices again...and made some surprising and not-so-surprising decisions.

Looking back a bit

Maybe it's just going to be the first few days or weeks of sharing my story, but I thought a lot about what I wanted to say today yet couldn't quite wrap it all together.

I grew up with a mother who stayed home raising me and my two younger brothers. This was very typical leading up to this period of time. Not once did my mother miss a thing - she was always there and didn't seem to show the tough days on her face or in her voice. God bless her for that!

Once I hit Jr. High, a strange pattern started emerging. Parents were getting divorced at an alarming rate. It was incredibly painful; not only were my friends coping with having two homes, but mothers started facing the tough reality of entering the workforce for the first time. This was scary and my age group all across the US got to watch it unfold...oh what fun the '80's were!

With these visions imprinted, fast forward to the mid to late 90's when most of us "girls" were now college graduates, several years into our careers. The need for and quest for independence, breaking glass ceilings and competing with men in the executive ranks was extremely high! Maybe, just maybe, fear of repeating history and ending up divorced with no ability to make a decent income to support a family has set in. Many of us have waited until our 30's to have a family, and some of us (including me) ended up with a first marriage that failed. Career focused, yes. Family focused, not so much.

Here's a discovery I made soon after becoming a mother and trying to juggle too much - maybe I don't have to let fear of failure dictate who I choose to be. When I became a mother, it finally all started to make some sense.

My new adventure!

My first blog...wow! WAHOO!

For someone who typically analyzes and plans for every detail - I have to say that this feels quite cathartic! I guess "firsts" tend to be that way. So far, it feels quite rewarding to finally put into action my ideas for creating a voice for mothers who put being a mother first.

Our world has pretty much warped our idea of motherhood into a having it all or nothing mantra. Well, I'd like to help us embrace the fact that this notion is not only false, but it's terribly destructive. For our children, our marriage...and for us!!

Here's to the moms who go to great lengths to put their role as a mother first; even when we've spent years building an identity around what we've achieved professionally. Do you smell bra's burning? I think I might!! Until tomorrow!!