I've had some great conversations with moms and dads about helping our kids develop a profound characteristic - resilience. Each of our young daughter's personalities and "hard-wiring" is pretty different, making this tough.
How is it that kids react so differently to similar situations? How does one daughter not seem to give a hoot about what other people think about what she wears, compared to another who her wants to know what the other sister is wearing to church before choosing her outfit?
One sister doesn't seem to pay attention to who sits next to her at the picnic, and another gets upset when a friend chooses to sit with another friend?
Or how about how our children react when another child says mean things to him or her? Some are able to brush it off and walk away, and some run away with tears streaming down their faces...along with a broken heart.
Teaching our children to be resilient will take many approaches and unique opportunities. It certainly starts in our own home. Coaching our children when they are relating to one another is a prime opportunity. Consider it on-the-job training - it was always my best form of learning.
It gets tougher when you are coaching just one side of the team. This becomes more difficult for many reasons - obviously, we are not around to observe all of the situations going on outside our home. We rely on an established foundation of open communication with our kids to even become aware of what they are dealing with at school or the park. We also don't always have a team approach with another parent - which can be very disappointing.
Resilience training is an ongoing process, and I believe it is a life-long trait that pays dividends throughout a person's entire life. Some of us are naturally better at this than others, but make no mistake...it can be learned! Our time with our children is precious and limited - making the most of our teaching moments can feel overwhelming at times. Yet knowing what's at stake keeps us focused.
I can't think of many situations in our lives that don't require resilience. And even though helping our kids develop this strength can be difficult, you know that you are preparing them for whatever comes their way. That no matter what, they will stand tall, strong and courageous. Because above all, they know who they are, what they stand for and that this is NOT changing!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Funny Fridays
I've gotten some great ideas from my fellow mothers...and this one is a goodie. Every Friday will be dedicated to a funny story or quote about the family or my own mommy blunders...welcome to Funny Fridays!
I realize that it is a day early - I just have to share this one:
One evening last summer, we all went on a walk in the neighborhood. I pulled our two youngest (ages 2 & 4) in a wagon, and Bryce rode his bike alongside our 7 year old. There was a thunderstorm on the way, but we thought we could sneak in a quick walk before heading in for bedtime.
We made it up the block and around the corner when pretty large raindrops started to fall and thunder began rumbling. We darted up the driveway of a friend's home, jumped off of bikes, out of the wagon, and ran up to the covered front porch.
We knocked on the front door and soon discovered that no one was home. Uh-oh! The storm was really starting to brew, the thunder was getting louder and the lightening was getting brighter. Bryce told us to stay put and that he'd dart back to the house, pick up our truck and bring us home. The storm was definitely gonna be here for a while.
As soon as Bryce raced off on his bike, a HUGE lightening strike followed by a HUMONGOUS clap of thunder overwhelmed us on the porch. The girls swarmed to my legs and screamed at the top of their lungs in fear. It was crazy! I kept thinking of my husband on his bike, surely struck by lightening by now. NOT a good idea - chivalrous, yes, but not the smartest choice I've seen him make.
As my head filled with worry and the girls grip on my legs tightened, Ava (4) shares this thought:
"WHOA, that angel must have used a HUGE bowling ball, mamma!"
We all started laughing hysterically - even at a young age she has never really been at a loss for words, and this observation was hilarious. At that moment, Bryce drove up to pile us into the truck - all soaking wet from head to toe from the driving rain. We shared Ava's observation with Daddy and he definitely lost a few calories from the big laugh we all shared.
We've told this story to many friends and family and it's just a keeper! This one hit the family journal without much delay.
I know you have a funny story or quote to share...let's hear it. POST A COMMENT! Happy Friday, everyone!
I realize that it is a day early - I just have to share this one:
One evening last summer, we all went on a walk in the neighborhood. I pulled our two youngest (ages 2 & 4) in a wagon, and Bryce rode his bike alongside our 7 year old. There was a thunderstorm on the way, but we thought we could sneak in a quick walk before heading in for bedtime.
We made it up the block and around the corner when pretty large raindrops started to fall and thunder began rumbling. We darted up the driveway of a friend's home, jumped off of bikes, out of the wagon, and ran up to the covered front porch.
We knocked on the front door and soon discovered that no one was home. Uh-oh! The storm was really starting to brew, the thunder was getting louder and the lightening was getting brighter. Bryce told us to stay put and that he'd dart back to the house, pick up our truck and bring us home. The storm was definitely gonna be here for a while.
As soon as Bryce raced off on his bike, a HUGE lightening strike followed by a HUMONGOUS clap of thunder overwhelmed us on the porch. The girls swarmed to my legs and screamed at the top of their lungs in fear. It was crazy! I kept thinking of my husband on his bike, surely struck by lightening by now. NOT a good idea - chivalrous, yes, but not the smartest choice I've seen him make.
As my head filled with worry and the girls grip on my legs tightened, Ava (4) shares this thought:
"WHOA, that angel must have used a HUGE bowling ball, mamma!"
We all started laughing hysterically - even at a young age she has never really been at a loss for words, and this observation was hilarious. At that moment, Bryce drove up to pile us into the truck - all soaking wet from head to toe from the driving rain. We shared Ava's observation with Daddy and he definitely lost a few calories from the big laugh we all shared.
We've told this story to many friends and family and it's just a keeper! This one hit the family journal without much delay.
I know you have a funny story or quote to share...let's hear it. POST A COMMENT! Happy Friday, everyone!
Monday, June 21, 2010
The father of my girls...
Well, I certainly can't let the week go by without sharing a little bit of insight about my husband. He is truly a gift in my life...and I am thankful every day for the fact that I will be navigating the rest of my life with him by my side.
Even though he's a hopeless romantic, always seems to find me attractive at my grubbiest moments, and acts like a smitten teenager when we're on a date, it's who he is a father that makes me fall in love with him over and over again. After all, he is in a bit of a unique situation.
Raising three girls gives me the chance to watch him mold young hearts, big dreams and foundations of self-confidence. I realize that we are raising our children together and that we each have unique roles to play in their lives - and that they will change over time. Growing up, my relationship with my own father was very strong. Yet for some reason I underestimated how grateful I'd be watching a loving father raise a new generation of girls.
This is not exactly something most of us think about when we get married. I did have the advantage of observing my husband's relationship with his own mother. Wow..I can definitely tell you that I didn't realize how lucky I was going to get! They have a beautiful bond and it only seems to get stronger with time.
After the birth or our third daughter we pretty much realized that we were called to be specialists. The girl-raising type! Instead of developing generalist skills appropriate for both genders, we get to build skills for one. My husband is well suited for this - even on our roughest days. He doesn't treat them like "girls" so to speak. He is making sure that they learn how to do a wide variety of life skills that might otherwise be targeted to just boys.
He also makes it a priority to spend quality time with each girl. Walks to the river, building projects together, camping, bike rides around the neighborhood, or swim time together gives them time to enjoy each other's company. The conversation during these activities may seem simple and entertaining today; a great way to prepare for an uncertain future that will include not only joy and achievement, but disappointment, heartache and sadness.
My confidence in who my life is shared with is sometimes overwhelming. We all know how challenging and unpredictable this journey can be and I couldn't design a better father or husband for this family.
Note to self, you don't have to wait until holidays to show your love and affection to those who deserve a little extra love and attention!
Even though he's a hopeless romantic, always seems to find me attractive at my grubbiest moments, and acts like a smitten teenager when we're on a date, it's who he is a father that makes me fall in love with him over and over again. After all, he is in a bit of a unique situation.
Raising three girls gives me the chance to watch him mold young hearts, big dreams and foundations of self-confidence. I realize that we are raising our children together and that we each have unique roles to play in their lives - and that they will change over time. Growing up, my relationship with my own father was very strong. Yet for some reason I underestimated how grateful I'd be watching a loving father raise a new generation of girls.
This is not exactly something most of us think about when we get married. I did have the advantage of observing my husband's relationship with his own mother. Wow..I can definitely tell you that I didn't realize how lucky I was going to get! They have a beautiful bond and it only seems to get stronger with time.
After the birth or our third daughter we pretty much realized that we were called to be specialists. The girl-raising type! Instead of developing generalist skills appropriate for both genders, we get to build skills for one. My husband is well suited for this - even on our roughest days. He doesn't treat them like "girls" so to speak. He is making sure that they learn how to do a wide variety of life skills that might otherwise be targeted to just boys.
He also makes it a priority to spend quality time with each girl. Walks to the river, building projects together, camping, bike rides around the neighborhood, or swim time together gives them time to enjoy each other's company. The conversation during these activities may seem simple and entertaining today; a great way to prepare for an uncertain future that will include not only joy and achievement, but disappointment, heartache and sadness.
My confidence in who my life is shared with is sometimes overwhelming. We all know how challenging and unpredictable this journey can be and I couldn't design a better father or husband for this family.
Note to self, you don't have to wait until holidays to show your love and affection to those who deserve a little extra love and attention!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Last week was a big week!
I just couldn't seem to get ahead of last week! We had too many things going on, my thoughts were so random that I thought you wouldn't miss 'em...
Sydney had her last day of second grade - filled with field games, parties, classroom cleanup and stuff that will be more meaningful to her later in life as memories than what she appreciated in the moment. Ahh, the ignorance of our youth!! I'm sure I was much more fun back in those days!!
Don't you feel like you get to a grown up point in life that you almost know too much to cut loose, lay back and just have some fun? Well, I do - and my husband tells me so (in not those exact words!). Too many things to worry about, plan for, schedule, take action on...the list grows.
I've decided that this part of me, hidden back in my second grade self, needs to get out more. The kids need to see me having more fun, and I need to have some more for my sake!!
Summer is a great time to set this kind of goal. The morning's are bright and cheerful to rise with...much more motivating than our gray winters. I don't know what excuse I'd use if I lived in say, California or Florida! And I just feel more ready and willing to try new things or at least finish something that has taken way too long to cross off my to-accomplish list.
Happy summer, moms!! Let's make some fun memories to talk about once fall hits the scene!!
Sydney had her last day of second grade - filled with field games, parties, classroom cleanup and stuff that will be more meaningful to her later in life as memories than what she appreciated in the moment. Ahh, the ignorance of our youth!! I'm sure I was much more fun back in those days!!
Don't you feel like you get to a grown up point in life that you almost know too much to cut loose, lay back and just have some fun? Well, I do - and my husband tells me so (in not those exact words!). Too many things to worry about, plan for, schedule, take action on...the list grows.
I've decided that this part of me, hidden back in my second grade self, needs to get out more. The kids need to see me having more fun, and I need to have some more for my sake!!
Summer is a great time to set this kind of goal. The morning's are bright and cheerful to rise with...much more motivating than our gray winters. I don't know what excuse I'd use if I lived in say, California or Florida! And I just feel more ready and willing to try new things or at least finish something that has taken way too long to cross off my to-accomplish list.
Happy summer, moms!! Let's make some fun memories to talk about once fall hits the scene!!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I'm a stepmom, too
This topic is a little harder to write about because it is wrapped in so many layers of emotion. As a society and as a family unit, this role needs a voice, too!
Unfortunately this role is dripping with negativity - from evil fairytale pretense to lots of everyday heartbreaking examples of what NOT to do as a stepparent...I feel like I've been hiking up the mountain from the beginning!
Yet what is at the summit is such an amazing gift. A little girl that would have never come into my life without experiencing the journey I've traveled thus far. And this gift - even the pure recognition that she is indeed a gift - is what keeps me climbing every day.
What has helped me build the confidence I need to be an extra parental counselor happens to be her strong, committed father. Having a husband understand and support the appropriate role for a stepmom has been the key to a never ending puzzle. For every family it's a bit different depending on the situation. It's critical for the biological parents to define and coach the stepparent in their home!! When this relationship struggles, all of the parental figures struggle around that child. And let me tell ya...it is far from fun.
I've searched high and low to find local resources that support step/blended families and continue to come up empty handed. From a mom's perspective, whether you are the stepmom or the mom needing to integrate a child into a stepmom relationship, this process is complicated to say the least! Since most mom's manage calendars, school communication, family activities, etc., getting and keeping this relationship on a productive track can make or break your entire family's well-being.
I know that I am truly blessed to have Sydney in my life - and know that we are meant to be in each other's lives for reasons I trust are bigger than my brain can wrap around on most days. She has two half sisters in our family and one half brother with her mom and step-dad. We all love her and are there for her no matter what she's up to.
Frankly, most of our tense conversations are about how or where her time is spent...each family wanting more and more of a finite resource that seems to be ticking away at a rapid rate that we all would like to see slow down. And for now I'll take it - we all know that we can't predict what tomorrow will bring. But we do get to be in charge of how we utilize the day at hand. My favorite days are always the ones that include my surprise gift...a "bonus" daughter that teaches me and challenges me in ways I never expected.
Unfortunately this role is dripping with negativity - from evil fairytale pretense to lots of everyday heartbreaking examples of what NOT to do as a stepparent...I feel like I've been hiking up the mountain from the beginning!
Yet what is at the summit is such an amazing gift. A little girl that would have never come into my life without experiencing the journey I've traveled thus far. And this gift - even the pure recognition that she is indeed a gift - is what keeps me climbing every day.
What has helped me build the confidence I need to be an extra parental counselor happens to be her strong, committed father. Having a husband understand and support the appropriate role for a stepmom has been the key to a never ending puzzle. For every family it's a bit different depending on the situation. It's critical for the biological parents to define and coach the stepparent in their home!! When this relationship struggles, all of the parental figures struggle around that child. And let me tell ya...it is far from fun.
I've searched high and low to find local resources that support step/blended families and continue to come up empty handed. From a mom's perspective, whether you are the stepmom or the mom needing to integrate a child into a stepmom relationship, this process is complicated to say the least! Since most mom's manage calendars, school communication, family activities, etc., getting and keeping this relationship on a productive track can make or break your entire family's well-being.
I know that I am truly blessed to have Sydney in my life - and know that we are meant to be in each other's lives for reasons I trust are bigger than my brain can wrap around on most days. She has two half sisters in our family and one half brother with her mom and step-dad. We all love her and are there for her no matter what she's up to.
Frankly, most of our tense conversations are about how or where her time is spent...each family wanting more and more of a finite resource that seems to be ticking away at a rapid rate that we all would like to see slow down. And for now I'll take it - we all know that we can't predict what tomorrow will bring. But we do get to be in charge of how we utilize the day at hand. My favorite days are always the ones that include my surprise gift...a "bonus" daughter that teaches me and challenges me in ways I never expected.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Resisting the urge
Of course, every bone in my body is telling me to develop a business plan for my adventure, yet there's a long-repressed side of me that says..."Wait!"
During my years in business I had become quite good at writing formal documents - proposals, strategic plans, speeches, presentations, training material and business plans to boot. I was typically proud of my work and it gave me a deep sense of accomplishment.
What had become missing from my personality was the spontaneous nature that I once enjoyed. It helped with my sense of adventure, agility in thinking, and snuffed out my "perfection" DNA that can sometimes be a pain in the neck (mostly to those around me!).
I am relishing in the enjoyment I am getting from listening, sharing and kicking around ideas with other moms. I truly love hearing about what your thinking, what challenges you most, or how you've kicked a bad habit. It has been confirming to me that our voices need to help more moms! We have so much to share, so much to influence in a positive direction.
So, lately I have been getting the itch to pull that business plan together and have realized that I have most of it written on a huge piece of paper on the wall of our playroom/den. I think it's kinda funny that it's written on paper that I borrowed from the giant roll of easel paper that my kids use for art projects!!
I'm a visual processor, so to see my ideas building on one visual map is very effective. This "flushing out" process has been cleansing, motivating and inspiring!!! There are days when I look at the map and think - wow, that's gonna be a lot work. And others are filled with excitement of what will come.
I am meeting fabulous people running internet-based businesses that are pulling communities together. For fun kid ideas, parenting support, nutrition, entrepreneuer resources...and the mom-centered communities are such a treat!
Coming in June...a completed business plan, including a social media marketing strategy. If my head doesn't spin out of control, I'll make it through this month!!
Have a fun weekend with the fam - until next week!
During my years in business I had become quite good at writing formal documents - proposals, strategic plans, speeches, presentations, training material and business plans to boot. I was typically proud of my work and it gave me a deep sense of accomplishment.
What had become missing from my personality was the spontaneous nature that I once enjoyed. It helped with my sense of adventure, agility in thinking, and snuffed out my "perfection" DNA that can sometimes be a pain in the neck (mostly to those around me!).
I am relishing in the enjoyment I am getting from listening, sharing and kicking around ideas with other moms. I truly love hearing about what your thinking, what challenges you most, or how you've kicked a bad habit. It has been confirming to me that our voices need to help more moms! We have so much to share, so much to influence in a positive direction.
So, lately I have been getting the itch to pull that business plan together and have realized that I have most of it written on a huge piece of paper on the wall of our playroom/den. I think it's kinda funny that it's written on paper that I borrowed from the giant roll of easel paper that my kids use for art projects!!
I'm a visual processor, so to see my ideas building on one visual map is very effective. This "flushing out" process has been cleansing, motivating and inspiring!!! There are days when I look at the map and think - wow, that's gonna be a lot work. And others are filled with excitement of what will come.
I am meeting fabulous people running internet-based businesses that are pulling communities together. For fun kid ideas, parenting support, nutrition, entrepreneuer resources...and the mom-centered communities are such a treat!
Coming in June...a completed business plan, including a social media marketing strategy. If my head doesn't spin out of control, I'll make it through this month!!
Have a fun weekend with the fam - until next week!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Back from the beach
We just got back last night from our annual trek to the beach. We usually head to the South Carolina coast with grandparents - rotating each year between my and my husband's families. This year we decided to go just the five of us!
We stayed on Topsail Island, North Carolina. What a great time - sunny skies, warm ocean and lots of sand to maneuver. The girls just adore the ocean. The day is spent in perpetual motion - shell gathering, sand flea digging, fish catching, boogie boarding, snacking, running, running, running!
Our five year old was brave enough to try boogie boarding with her dad and older sis. She took to it right away and couldn't put the board down! Our oldest was in a constant "squat" with her head down inspecting sea life...no need for sunscreen on her face. :) And our youngest was the avid shell collector and sand mover. She might be headed for a career in building excavation or archeology!
Our first family trip was just what we needed. Nothing but time together...no beat from the drums of our work, school/activity schedules, cell phones, email, or even tv. Just us!! We're always on a budget (aren't we all?) and it was nice to find a place right on the beach, let the girls pick the daily dinner menu, and settle in for four days with no reason to get back in the car.
It's easy to get caught up in the scheduling opportunities that our kids have all summer long. Swimming lessons, soccer camp, vacation bible school, etc. The trip was a reminder to keep the summer simple...yes, there are fun and wonderfully educational programs out there for our kids, but let's make sure we leave plenty of time for our families to just spend the day together. There's something about letting our kids learn how to manage a summer day. It's certainly a realistic life lesson.
Some of my fondest childhood memories are built around a long summer with lots to explore and do with my neighbors. It seemed like each day was a clean slate and we would never have asked our moms what to do. That would have been crazy talk!! We would decide together as kids and go for it. You could count on your neighbors to be home, waiting for the sun to come up so we could all get outside and play ALL DAY!!
Here's to a summer filled with fun, adventure...and family time!!
We stayed on Topsail Island, North Carolina. What a great time - sunny skies, warm ocean and lots of sand to maneuver. The girls just adore the ocean. The day is spent in perpetual motion - shell gathering, sand flea digging, fish catching, boogie boarding, snacking, running, running, running!
Our five year old was brave enough to try boogie boarding with her dad and older sis. She took to it right away and couldn't put the board down! Our oldest was in a constant "squat" with her head down inspecting sea life...no need for sunscreen on her face. :) And our youngest was the avid shell collector and sand mover. She might be headed for a career in building excavation or archeology!
Our first family trip was just what we needed. Nothing but time together...no beat from the drums of our work, school/activity schedules, cell phones, email, or even tv. Just us!! We're always on a budget (aren't we all?) and it was nice to find a place right on the beach, let the girls pick the daily dinner menu, and settle in for four days with no reason to get back in the car.
It's easy to get caught up in the scheduling opportunities that our kids have all summer long. Swimming lessons, soccer camp, vacation bible school, etc. The trip was a reminder to keep the summer simple...yes, there are fun and wonderfully educational programs out there for our kids, but let's make sure we leave plenty of time for our families to just spend the day together. There's something about letting our kids learn how to manage a summer day. It's certainly a realistic life lesson.
Some of my fondest childhood memories are built around a long summer with lots to explore and do with my neighbors. It seemed like each day was a clean slate and we would never have asked our moms what to do. That would have been crazy talk!! We would decide together as kids and go for it. You could count on your neighbors to be home, waiting for the sun to come up so we could all get outside and play ALL DAY!!
Here's to a summer filled with fun, adventure...and family time!!
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