Christmas came a little early this year

Well, here she is! Our newest lady of the family...meet Miss Roxy!

Remember the comment I made last summer about our series of family conversations about having (or not having) a pet? Well, fish turned into turtles, which then became a puppy! Ava turned 6 in November and while visiting a pet store to buy a water turtle, the girls pulled out the puppy dog eyes and declared, "We want a puppy, not a turtle!"

All was doomed - no one could talk about anything else for weeks. We took online dog-matching tests, searched for dogs online, visited humane societies and went back and forth on many issues (rescue, breeder...). We finally found the girl for us...at a pet store, no less!

Yes, we broke the cardinal rule and bought our dog at a pet store. Yikes! You should see the looks you get at the vet when you share that statistic in the waiting room! I was very reluctant, but unfortunately it was a battle I was going to lose...decidedly. My husband stopped in the little neighborhood pet store after picking up a few grocery items I asked him to pick up one afternoon. I'm not sure what drew him in, and he isn't either. He was met with a, "What the heck were you doing in there?" when he came home and told us that he had found our puppy.

He brought our two oldest girls to see the puppy. I kept making an excuse for not seeing the puppy thinking this would blow over and we'd resume our "proper" search. The longest week of my life then ensued. Day long conversations with different children, including bedtime begging and prayers for mommy to "let us get this dog." Finally, after watching my husband make every argument and emotional plea in the book, I realized that the rest of my family was in the same rescue boat and I was stubbornly on shore...all by myself.

I began to feel like they knew something that I didn't and that somehow I had missed the signs that they were clearly able to see. Somehow, I realized that my part in all of this was to now have faith in my family. That even if I wasn't feeling the same emotion or attachment to this dog, that I had to trust them that I would.

And what a treat it has been. Not only did we add a beautiful, loving, sweet and mild-mannered member to our family, but I learned a lesson in having faith. Faith is easy when you rely on what you can see or feel, yet faith can be most powerful when you decide to trust what other's know in their hearts and inspire you all the same.

Spreading her wings

I know it's been a while since I last posted. Rest assured that I HAVE been writing, yet just haven't felt inspired to post. Maybe it's been because of having such a hectic Fall with three kids back to, or beginning, school. Who knows!?

What I DO know is that inspiration has struck. And now I know why.

I just came from coffee with a friend. Our kids met in pre-school and they are now kindergartners at the same elementary school. We've all been running in different directions and I have been looking forward to catching up with her for such a long time. I was excited to finally sit down and visit...just the two of us!

This fall she opened her own art gallery. She's been running galleries part-time for years and the opportunity to leap into ownership fell on her lap last spring. She took quite a bit of time wrapping her head around taking on this journey. The timing, the money, the fears of failure, the stress on her family. The list of obstacles goes on.

Yet as I sat there with her I was overcome with how proud I am of this inspiring mother. She considered all of the critical challenges and has maintained her priority on family.

She has been patient through the years, raising two boys now in elementary school, supporting a loving husband, and has found her time to leap. And what a beautiful site it is...a journey that many will witness and take pleasure in treasuring as inspiration to take their own leap in life!

Congratulations, my friend, for not only following your dreams, but for also showing fellow mothers how to take on the world with your family right there by your side.

Funny Friday Returns

Well, I wasn't expecting this long of a hiatus...August proved to be jam packed with a few last minute trips and getting ready for school to begin.

We headed to NYC to visit my youngest brother and his girlfriend - we stayed with them (yes, all five of us) in their apartment in the quaint neighborhood of Nolita. It was so much fun that NONE of us wanted to come home. Although I'm not sure my stomach could handle any more food...pizza, gelato, croissants, crepes, korean, curry, hot dogs, OH MY!!

We then headed to Michigan to visit friends who have a lake cottage and had a blast! Our youngest daredevil didn't hesitate a moment before hopping on a tube for a wicked ride around the lake. Are you kidding me, she's 3!! Thank goodness Daddy and sisters were riding with her. I have dozens of pictures of the crew grinning from ear to ear.

Funny subway story:
One of my favorite experiences the girls had in NYC was the exposure to different people! From ethnicity, clothing (or costumes), hair, street performers, dog walkers - WHATEVER - I loved watching their attention be drawn to something they have never seen before.

We were on the subway (fantastic people "gawking" opportunities, of course) and at one stop a young woman walked onto the subway and sat down next to Sydney (8). Sydney took notice of her hair and just could not keep her eyes off of her. Mind you, this woman's afro was HUGE and cut in a bob style, but was just crazy and gorgeous mixed together. Lots to take in for our little gal.

When we got out of the subway I leaned down to Sydney and whispered "If you keep fighting with us about brushing your hair every day, THAT's what its going to look like." Here eyes bugged out of her head and from that day on she has volunteered to brush her hair without our begging and dictating!!! Yahoooooo!!

Ok, so this is not my shining mother moment, but I did have fun teasing her. And we did have a follow up conversation about the woman's hair, explaining her choice to have her hair styled in that way and that it was not caused by perpetually not brushing her locks!

Have a wonderful and fun Labor Day Weekend! Parts 2 & 3 for Career Management will be posted next week - sorry for the longer than expected delay.

Funny Friday - Yummy Snacks

Happy Friday! I can't believe summer break is in its final weeks...so much to do (fun and not so fun) and yet I can't believe September is around the corner.

Early in the summer I stopped at my mom & dad's house to pick up the kids. They had spent a few hours eating lunch and playing while I had an appointment.

As I walked into the kitchen Calley (3) says:

"OOOOH, Mommy. These jello jiggler thingies are super duper yummy!" And with that a huge, squinty-eyed grin covered her face...kinda like this one!

Career Management - Part 1: Planning

Let's chat a little about managing your professional life. Part 1 will address the essentials of planning, Part 2 will focus on career change and Part 3 will open up the subject of re-entering the workplace after being home with your family.

Part 1: Planning

Whether you are looking to the future within the context of your current profession or employer, dream about owning your own business or see some time off with your family in your future, you absolutely have to start with a plan.

I've worked with hundreds of employees and job-seekers and when it comes to career management I'm amazed at how many times people don't have a written plan for their future. Forget your resume for a moment, I'm talking about some type of document, poster...something...that addresses what you see for yourself in the upcoming working or family years.

In the case of the job-seeker, if you don't start with a plan, your search will take AT LEAST TWICE AS LONG COMPARED TO SOMEONE WORKING FROM A PLAN!! Dreams usually stay dreams unless you put some ink around them, set some milestones for decision making and track your progress along the way.

Let's talk about some planning basics that you can find in many life/career/project management publications. I don't think any of these will be totally new to you, but hopefully I'll shed some light on how to help you embrace these essentials in a way that works for how YOU work.

Understand your planning style: Arm yourself with the tools you need to create a living plan document. This may be an electronic document, or several, created on your computer. Neat, tidy...and always edited and up to date. Or maybe it's a poster-size document, hanging on your wall in the house somewhere. Handwritten, colorful... whatever! How about a notebook - yes, a good old fashioned notebook, where not only do you keep your plans, but you also jot down ideas, accomplishments and contact information for anyone or thing related to your career development. Don't limit your planning skills with how you've planned in the past. Knowing your style will help you keep the plan alive, up-to-date, motivating and top-of-mind.

Begin with your priorities and values: Identifying the most important things to you in life will help bring order and peace into your world. I'd compare it to holistic medicine. If you break your life into disconnected pieces (health, fitness, career, family, spirituality, friendship) they'll stay in silos and compete for your time. If you plan to integrate them from the beginning, you'll treat the source of your condition, not merely suppress errant symptoms. Write these important beliefs down and define what they MEAN TO YOU. Don't just write down your priorities, RANK THEM!!

Create a Project Plan: You may not know every step you'll need to take to go from today to getting that new job, but start with what you know and fill in the gaps as you learn. Project plans are fantastic tools because they can fulfill the role of an accountability manager! Capture key milestones with basic tasks that will need to be accomplished in order for the milestone to be completed. The milestone then allows you time to pause and make decisions about moving forward OR prepares you to take the next step. Sit down with a calendar and map it out...on excel or a piece of paper...remember your planning style!

Gain Perspective: GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD FOR THIS ONE!! The last thing you want to do when you create a working plan is to lock yourself up and work alone. Yes, you'll need think time and research time, but make sure you engage a learning perspective throughout the process. Have coffee with friends, old colleagues, attend an event that might feature a speaker or topic that is of interest to you, make inroads with someone who might help you gain knowledge on a particular topic...you can even pull together a small working group of moms who also need to nail down a career plan and work together. You can touch-base regularly (weekly, monthly) and work through the process as a team. Group/team work can have outstanding results - lots of support, creativity and motivation come from a healthy team environment.

That's a good dose of planning for now...remember, wisdom's greatest enemy is fear. Don't let your fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection or criticism prevent you from developing an inspiring, actionable plan about your professional future. You're only stuck if you want to be stuck.

Funny Friday!

Ok, so I can't even believe we caught this moment on camera!

It was Fall '08, Calley was 18 months, Ava was almost 4 and Sydney was 6. We were on our way to a local farm to go pumpkin picking. The drive was about 40 minutes and the older two girls were starting to get antsy, which usually starts a roller coaster of bickering.

We turned around to discipline Ava and Sydney only to find out that Calley had found a cure for listening to her older sisters' annoying chit chat. HA HA!! Once again, we are impressed with the youngest sister's sense of balance and need for peace!!

Have a wonderful weekend...next week will start a three-part series on career management. Get ready!

Where the heck...

IS THE SUMMER GOING??? This seems the be the theme of the conversations I'm having with everyone lately. Heck, we're finally having a cookout WITH OUR NEIGHBORS tomorrow for the first time since the kids got out of school.

I didn't think I planned very much for the summer - as you recall, I wanted to keep the summer simple and open for daily adventure. NOT!!

With the three girls it's been more than what we expected - they each had a couple of weeks of swimming lessons, our oldest daughter is wrapping up softball and we were all at vacation bible school this past week (tons of fun and very moving - I'll share next week for sure). All of a sudden, BAM, 6 weeks of summer are gone and we have only 6 more to go.

I couldn't even manage to get a Funny Friday posted yesterday. I'm trying to keep my blog posts authentic, so I don't write in advance. I could, but I think that would take away from reflecting what really goes on in our family and the things that challenge and excite me as a mother. I do, though, have a bit of an editorial calendar of topics I'd like to share or open up for your input.

Most of you probably know that several weeks ago I applied to become a "mommy blogger" and host a weekly call-in show focused on motherhood for a great radio station in town. I have a radio show on my dream list for inspiringmotherhood.com, but this popped into my life unexpectedly. I've been following up with the radio station for about a month now and have the sinking feeling that I will not be chosen. Although I'm totally bummed that I will most likely not become a member of this team, it DID wake up a part of me that got more excited than I expected. A sort of wake-up call to make this a reality sooner rather than later. Consider this goal posted in my kitchen for me to see EVERY DAY, reminding me of my dreams!!

Now, if I could only get time to slow down a bit...

Funny Friday

We seem to be having a lot of "to have a pet or not to have a pet" discussions lately. Cats are out of the question because I am terribly allergic to them and having a dog is still a theory.

The other day Ava sat down next to me at the kitchen table and said, "Hey, mom, I really want a kitty. But if I get a kitty then I'll need to get a new mommy. And I don't want a new mommy. You're MY mommy and you're just perfect for me."

It was a neat feeling...I was smiling ear to ear, chuckling at the thought process I just witnessed, and at the same time my heart was just melting!!


Come on, let's here one of your funny stories...post one today!!

Funny Friday!

Our sweet and mild mannered third daughter, Calley, turned 3 last February. Her personality keeps eeking out and this story happened a month or so after her birthday:

All three girls were in the car with me, lined up across the back seat in their various car seat contraptions. Calley had decided to take both her shoes off on the ride home. I was able to pick the shoes up while stopped at a red light and handed them to our oldest, Sydney, and asked her to help Calley put her shoes back on before we got home.

I heard bits and pieces of the conversation and physical tug of war that took place for a long two or three minutes. This was not going well. Finally Sydney asserts, "Calley, put your foot up here and let me put this shoe on!" Calley responds, with her teeth gritted tightly and each word spoken (not yelled) sternly and slowly,

"YOU - ARE - NOT - IN - CHARGE."

After about 5 seconds of silence we all busted out laughing. The little tag-a-long sister drew her line in the sand and let us know that she was NOT to be messed with! She ended up putting the shoes on all by herself. ;)

Have a safe and fun-filled Fourth of July. Amidst all of the picnics, swimming and games, let's not forget to spend some time sharing the meaning of this holiday with our children...and help them become more aware of the sacrifices many men and women in our armed forces have and continue to make to protect our freedoms.

Helping our kids become resilient

I've had some great conversations with moms and dads about helping our kids develop a profound characteristic - resilience. Each of our young daughter's personalities and "hard-wiring" is pretty different, making this tough.

How is it that kids react so differently to similar situations? How does one daughter not seem to give a hoot about what other people think about what she wears, compared to another who her wants to know what the other sister is wearing to church before choosing her outfit?

One sister doesn't seem to pay attention to who sits next to her at the picnic, and another gets upset when a friend chooses to sit with another friend?

Or how about how our children react when another child says mean things to him or her? Some are able to brush it off and walk away, and some run away with tears streaming down their faces...along with a broken heart.

Teaching our children to be resilient will take many approaches and unique opportunities. It certainly starts in our own home. Coaching our children when they are relating to one another is a prime opportunity. Consider it on-the-job training - it was always my best form of learning.

It gets tougher when you are coaching just one side of the team. This becomes more difficult for many reasons - obviously, we are not around to observe all of the situations going on outside our home. We rely on an established foundation of open communication with our kids to even become aware of what they are dealing with at school or the park. We also don't always have a team approach with another parent - which can be very disappointing.

Resilience training is an ongoing process, and I believe it is a life-long trait that pays dividends throughout a person's entire life. Some of us are naturally better at this than others, but make no mistake...it can be learned! Our time with our children is precious and limited - making the most of our teaching moments can feel overwhelming at times. Yet knowing what's at stake keeps us focused.

I can't think of many situations in our lives that don't require resilience. And even though helping our kids develop this strength can be difficult, you know that you are preparing them for whatever comes their way. That no matter what, they will stand tall, strong and courageous. Because above all, they know who they are, what they stand for and that this is NOT changing!

Funny Fridays

I've gotten some great ideas from my fellow mothers...and this one is a goodie. Every Friday will be dedicated to a funny story or quote about the family or my own mommy blunders...welcome to Funny Fridays!

I realize that it is a day early - I just have to share this one:

One evening last summer, we all went on a walk in the neighborhood. I pulled our two youngest (ages 2 & 4) in a wagon, and Bryce rode his bike alongside our 7 year old. There was a thunderstorm on the way, but we thought we could sneak in a quick walk before heading in for bedtime.

We made it up the block and around the corner when pretty large raindrops started to fall and thunder began rumbling. We darted up the driveway of a friend's home, jumped off of bikes, out of the wagon, and ran up to the covered front porch.

We knocked on the front door and soon discovered that no one was home. Uh-oh! The storm was really starting to brew, the thunder was getting louder and the lightening was getting brighter. Bryce told us to stay put and that he'd dart back to the house, pick up our truck and bring us home. The storm was definitely gonna be here for a while.

As soon as Bryce raced off on his bike, a HUGE lightening strike followed by a HUMONGOUS clap of thunder overwhelmed us on the porch. The girls swarmed to my legs and screamed at the top of their lungs in fear. It was crazy! I kept thinking of my husband on his bike, surely struck by lightening by now. NOT a good idea - chivalrous, yes, but not the smartest choice I've seen him make.

As my head filled with worry and the girls grip on my legs tightened, Ava (4) shares this thought:

"WHOA, that angel must have used a HUGE bowling ball, mamma!"

We all started laughing hysterically - even at a young age she has never really been at a loss for words, and this observation was hilarious. At that moment, Bryce drove up to pile us into the truck - all soaking wet from head to toe from the driving rain. We shared Ava's observation with Daddy and he definitely lost a few calories from the big laugh we all shared.

We've told this story to many friends and family and it's just a keeper! This one hit the family journal without much delay.

I know you have a funny story or quote to share...let's hear it. POST A COMMENT! Happy Friday, everyone!

The father of my girls...

Well, I certainly can't let the week go by without sharing a little bit of insight about my husband. He is truly a gift in my life...and I am thankful every day for the fact that I will be navigating the rest of my life with him by my side.

Even though he's a hopeless romantic, always seems to find me attractive at my grubbiest moments, and acts like a smitten teenager when we're on a date, it's who he is a father that makes me fall in love with him over and over again. After all, he is in a bit of a unique situation.

Raising three girls gives me the chance to watch him mold young hearts, big dreams and foundations of self-confidence. I realize that we are raising our children together and that we each have unique roles to play in their lives - and that they will change over time. Growing up, my relationship with my own father was very strong. Yet for some reason I underestimated how grateful I'd be watching a loving father raise a new generation of girls.

This is not exactly something most of us think about when we get married. I did have the advantage of observing my husband's relationship with his own mother. Wow..I can definitely tell you that I didn't realize how lucky I was going to get! They have a beautiful bond and it only seems to get stronger with time.

After the birth or our third daughter we pretty much realized that we were called to be specialists. The girl-raising type! Instead of developing generalist skills appropriate for both genders, we get to build skills for one. My husband is well suited for this - even on our roughest days. He doesn't treat them like "girls" so to speak. He is making sure that they learn how to do a wide variety of life skills that might otherwise be targeted to just boys.

He also makes it a priority to spend quality time with each girl. Walks to the river, building projects together, camping, bike rides around the neighborhood, or swim time together gives them time to enjoy each other's company. The conversation during these activities may seem simple and entertaining today; a great way to prepare for an uncertain future that will include not only joy and achievement, but disappointment, heartache and sadness.

My confidence in who my life is shared with is sometimes overwhelming. We all know how challenging and unpredictable this journey can be and I couldn't design a better father or husband for this family.

Note to self, you don't have to wait until holidays to show your love and affection to those who deserve a little extra love and attention!

Last week was a big week!

I just couldn't seem to get ahead of last week! We had too many things going on, my thoughts were so random that I thought you wouldn't miss 'em...

Sydney had her last day of second grade - filled with field games, parties, classroom cleanup and stuff that will be more meaningful to her later in life as memories than what she appreciated in the moment. Ahh, the ignorance of our youth!! I'm sure I was much more fun back in those days!!

Don't you feel like you get to a grown up point in life that you almost know too much to cut loose, lay back and just have some fun? Well, I do - and my husband tells me so (in not those exact words!). Too many things to worry about, plan for, schedule, take action on...the list grows.

I've decided that this part of me, hidden back in my second grade self, needs to get out more. The kids need to see me having more fun, and I need to have some more for my sake!!

Summer is a great time to set this kind of goal. The morning's are bright and cheerful to rise with...much more motivating than our gray winters. I don't know what excuse I'd use if I lived in say, California or Florida! And I just feel more ready and willing to try new things or at least finish something that has taken way too long to cross off my to-accomplish list.

Happy summer, moms!! Let's make some fun memories to talk about once fall hits the scene!!

I'm a stepmom, too

This topic is a little harder to write about because it is wrapped in so many layers of emotion. As a society and as a family unit, this role needs a voice, too!

Unfortunately this role is dripping with negativity - from evil fairytale pretense to lots of everyday heartbreaking examples of what NOT to do as a stepparent...I feel like I've been hiking up the mountain from the beginning!

Yet what is at the summit is such an amazing gift. A little girl that would have never come into my life without experiencing the journey I've traveled thus far. And this gift - even the pure recognition that she is indeed a gift - is what keeps me climbing every day.

What has helped me build the confidence I need to be an extra parental counselor happens to be her strong, committed father. Having a husband understand and support the appropriate role for a stepmom has been the key to a never ending puzzle. For every family it's a bit different depending on the situation. It's critical for the biological parents to define and coach the stepparent in their home!! When this relationship struggles, all of the parental figures struggle around that child. And let me tell ya...it is far from fun.

I've searched high and low to find local resources that support step/blended families and continue to come up empty handed. From a mom's perspective, whether you are the stepmom or the mom needing to integrate a child into a stepmom relationship, this process is complicated to say the least! Since most mom's manage calendars, school communication, family activities, etc., getting and keeping this relationship on a productive track can make or break your entire family's well-being.

I know that I am truly blessed to have Sydney in my life - and know that we are meant to be in each other's lives for reasons I trust are bigger than my brain can wrap around on most days. She has two half sisters in our family and one half brother with her mom and step-dad. We all love her and are there for her no matter what she's up to.

Frankly, most of our tense conversations are about how or where her time is spent...each family wanting more and more of a finite resource that seems to be ticking away at a rapid rate that we all would like to see slow down. And for now I'll take it - we all know that we can't predict what tomorrow will bring. But we do get to be in charge of how we utilize the day at hand. My favorite days are always the ones that include my surprise gift...a "bonus" daughter that teaches me and challenges me in ways I never expected.

Resisting the urge

Of course, every bone in my body is telling me to develop a business plan for my adventure, yet there's a long-repressed side of me that says..."Wait!"

During my years in business I had become quite good at writing formal documents - proposals, strategic plans, speeches, presentations, training material and business plans to boot. I was typically proud of my work and it gave me a deep sense of accomplishment.

What had become missing from my personality was the spontaneous nature that I once enjoyed. It helped with my sense of adventure, agility in thinking, and snuffed out my "perfection" DNA that can sometimes be a pain in the neck (mostly to those around me!).

I am relishing in the enjoyment I am getting from listening, sharing and kicking around ideas with other moms. I truly love hearing about what your thinking, what challenges you most, or how you've kicked a bad habit. It has been confirming to me that our voices need to help more moms! We have so much to share, so much to influence in a positive direction.

So, lately I have been getting the itch to pull that business plan together and have realized that I have most of it written on a huge piece of paper on the wall of our playroom/den. I think it's kinda funny that it's written on paper that I borrowed from the giant roll of easel paper that my kids use for art projects!!

I'm a visual processor, so to see my ideas building on one visual map is very effective. This "flushing out" process has been cleansing, motivating and inspiring!!! There are days when I look at the map and think - wow, that's gonna be a lot work. And others are filled with excitement of what will come.

I am meeting fabulous people running internet-based businesses that are pulling communities together. For fun kid ideas, parenting support, nutrition, entrepreneuer resources...and the mom-centered communities are such a treat!

Coming in June...a completed business plan, including a social media marketing strategy. If my head doesn't spin out of control, I'll make it through this month!!

Have a fun weekend with the fam - until next week!

Back from the beach

We just got back last night from our annual trek to the beach. We usually head to the South Carolina coast with grandparents - rotating each year between my and my husband's families. This year we decided to go just the five of us!

We stayed on Topsail Island, North Carolina. What a great time - sunny skies, warm ocean and lots of sand to maneuver. The girls just adore the ocean. The day is spent in perpetual motion - shell gathering, sand flea digging, fish catching, boogie boarding, snacking, running, running, running!

Our five year old was brave enough to try boogie boarding with her dad and older sis. She took to it right away and couldn't put the board down! Our oldest was in a constant "squat" with her head down inspecting sea life...no need for sunscreen on her face. :) And our youngest was the avid shell collector and sand mover. She might be headed for a career in building excavation or archeology!

Our first family trip was just what we needed. Nothing but time together...no beat from the drums of our work, school/activity schedules, cell phones, email, or even tv. Just us!! We're always on a budget (aren't we all?) and it was nice to find a place right on the beach, let the girls pick the daily dinner menu, and settle in for four days with no reason to get back in the car.

It's easy to get caught up in the scheduling opportunities that our kids have all summer long. Swimming lessons, soccer camp, vacation bible school, etc. The trip was a reminder to keep the summer simple...yes, there are fun and wonderfully educational programs out there for our kids, but let's make sure we leave plenty of time for our families to just spend the day together. There's something about letting our kids learn how to manage a summer day. It's certainly a realistic life lesson.

Some of my fondest childhood memories are built around a long summer with lots to explore and do with my neighbors. It seemed like each day was a clean slate and we would never have asked our moms what to do. That would have been crazy talk!! We would decide together as kids and go for it. You could count on your neighbors to be home, waiting for the sun to come up so we could all get outside and play ALL DAY!!

Here's to a summer filled with fun, adventure...and family time!!

How many hats will YOU wear today?

Hmm...do any of these sound familiar?

Chef
Financial Manager
Head Merchandise Buyer
Scheduling Manager
Chaperon
Storyteller
Transportation Specialist (ugh!)
First Medical Responder
Tutor
Coach
Tailor
Laundress
Housekeeper
Estate Manager
Vacation Planner
Landscaper
Gardner
Playdate Organizer
Spiritual Leader/Coach
Activities Coordinator (I think of Julie, from the Loveboat!)
Event Planner
Chief Communication Officer
Community Volunteer

Then we have:
Neighbor
Sister
Daughter
Wife
Friend
Best Friend
Granddaughter
Co-Worker

Oh yeah, and then there's stuff like:
Potty Trainer
Vomit Clean-up Specialist
Tantrum Manager
Get out the Door Lady (Darn it, can we please just get out the door w/o a fuss?)
Diaper Changer
Food Chucker Clean-Up Specialist
Disciplinarian
Teenager Survivor
Driving Instructor
Worry Wart

And then you might be fitting in some professional work:
Nurse
Lawyer
Sales Exec
Physician
IT Consultant
Accountant
Marketing/PR Consultant
Human Resources Generalist
Business Owner
Writer
Teacher
Artist
Musician
Should I keep going...or do we get it!?

Give yourself some slack and be gentle to your spirit on those tough days when you think you've simply just lost your mind. Rest assure that you haven't lost it, it's just being applied in a million directions!

Have a super weekend!

Blah, blah, blah...I get it!

Sometimes I can be a bit direct when it comes to beliefs or ideas that I feel deeply about or find ridiculous...try to love me!

So, now what? Now that you have a peek into my life and how I think, you can see how important it is to gather more support for how you make your family the first priority in life. It is no secret that this is not easy!

For some of us, it means giving up successful professional lives that were once the center of our attention. These lives once defined us - monopolized our time, provided motivation for all the hard work, helped us feel a sense of purpose, made us proud of our accomplishments. These lives also conditioned us - especially as young married couples - to have the world at our feet. Nice homes, clothes, cars, vacations, retirement savings, etc.

So, now that we've stepped aside from the beat of this drum, how do we re-program what makes us feel accomplished, successful, worthy every day? Sometimes it's difficult to compare the challenges of today (making it to school on time, remembering to bring snack to preschool, getting everyone out the door to church on Sundays without a hitch) to the "mountains" we used to climb in the corporate world.

For me, it's mostly about perspective. I don't know about you, but it took me a while to remember how much babysitting I did in my professional life!! Really!! Shepherding people, projects, time lines, deadlines, conflicts, relationships...you name it. One day it just clicked. I'd much rather spend the time shepherding my own children!

Now, this doesn't provide the cure to all of my challenges, but it's a good example of the perspective shifting that is required to keep moving and stay positive. At first I did miss the projects and relationships from the work world. As time progressed I began to notice all of the opportunities for me to contribute and feel a sense of accomplishment - they were all around me. The career coach in me felt a little embarrassed for not realizing this sooner, but three kids each two years apart can do that to ya!

There are plenty of ways to stay engaged professionally - from negotiating part-time or contract work for the company you have or still work with, community projects, consulting assignments, school support, church work, etc. There are emerging companies who help moms who have enjoyed professional success find fulfilling and challenging work in the marketplace. This task requires a lot of conversation at the executive level to campaign for and make the logical business case for providing such opportunities. This has been tough to do one-on-one - as some of you already know. The fact that this support is growing on an enterprise wide level is a tremendous step in the right direction.

The other perspective that I had trouble realizing was that the time we provide our children will effect lifetimes to come. The decision to step out or down professionally has short-term consequences, ones that will be behind us before we know it. There is a certain level of confidence that comes with this notion. It feels good...quite good!

At the end of the day it's about the choices you make that will help you and your family stay healthy, connected, supported, loved and vibrant. Keeping your family first should be less about rhetoric and more about preparing for and executing a plan that reflects our priorities...and not being afraid to share it!

One part optimist, one part realist

Yup, that's me. Truth be told, the realist in me has been growing for years, yet I refuse to let it capture more than half of me! The evolution from being a whole-hearted optimist to a realist who continually fends off cynicism has transpired mostly due to life experience...and sometimes not my own.

We all do it...our whole lives we've watched how other people live theirs. I don't think I appreciated or feared this more than when I became a mother. Until then, it was all about me, really. Sure, I helped my neighbors, volunteered, supported my family, etc. But mostly, it was all about me and my successful career. And the consequences for my selfishness or self-centered point of view were mine - and heck, they usually produced more income!

The consequences for my decisions, priorities and behavior are now undoubtedly linked to my family...my husband and three daughters. And the simple truth is this - our children need us! We don't need clinical research to prove this theory. How have we gotten so off course in life to ever think that this is not the case? It doesn't take piles of statistics to tell us that parents running full tilt at their own careers while simultaneously raising a family has harmful side effects.

Sure, many of us at one time or another are seduced by the impression that we can juggle it all. But why should we? Who says we should? If the voice answering you is not your own there's a good chance that we have some priority re-arranging to do!

Why should we put anything before the most important job on the planet? We get one shot at raising our kids...there are no "do overs". We are in charge of nurturing our children emotionally, academically, spiritually and pysically. If you share my feelings then get ready to start taking some steps together to strengthen our voice on this matter. We need help and we need mothers and fathers to be courageous enough to say that the way we're herded into raising our children today just won't do. Our over-reaching and demanding careers, our never-ending war with materialism and our lack of rewarding and challenging part-time work must be put to bed!

So, the realist in me says:
Stop watching and mimicking how people that you don't really admire live.

The optimist in me says:
Start finding and supporting families that have figured out how to put their priorities in the right order.

Honoring motherhood

Well, we all know that Mother's Day was just a few short days ago. With a wide range of ideas for how to honor mothers, I'm sure we've seen just about everything. From high priced florals, fine jewelery, audacious have-to-have handbags to the latest and greatest iPod accessory...there always seems to be an unnecessary amount of retail induced pressure of this purchase (especially on our husbands!).

For me, the day is just a little taste of what you hope is going on in the hearts and minds of my children, manifested in a bit of pampering (tea and cinnamon rolls in bed) and homemade pieces of art. I really, really love the sparkling eyes and ear-to-ear grin from a child who is totally proud of what they created just for you!!

For my mom and I, the holiday serves as a reminder for us to schedule time together that week...no hubbies, kids or distractions! The day itself provides an opportunity for me to show my mom how special she is to me and my family. I usually make a card - no Hallmark necessary! Expressing myself through the written word is what other artists do through music, or painting. I get to hit the "pause" button and pull the thoughts from my heart into a written form I can share. It's the most creative part of me that I know. Now, I'm not saying the illustration is a hit...thank goodness for stamps and stickers!

My mom has transformed from not only being my mother, but my best friend. She is always there for me, and for us. No matter what the need might be...cooking, watching the girls, picking up something from the store, doing little things around our house when I'm not looking, or picking up coffee and chatting about a difficult situation. I've decided that it is the culmination of all the little things that she has done for us through the years that makes her the glue of our family.

From time to time she has compared herself to other mothers thinking she didn't do enough, achieve enough or earn a paycheck or title that was more respectable in her mind. I remind her that she is and always will be a rebel. A rebel that has not let time, people, selfishness or things get in between her and her brood. And THAT is a life lesson on motherhood that will carry through for lifetimes to come.

So, why now? Why this?

There are several moms, including my own, who have helped me navigate through these first years of motherhood. And thank goodness for this support structure! I have met so many mothers along the way; neighbors, fellow preschool moms, aunts & cousins, past colleagues, church friends, yoga buddies, voting line acquaintances, community center classmates...you get the picture! Some of these supporters have existed for years or even decades, yet some have been a single conversation waiting for our children to come out of their first tumbling class. Surprisingly, so many insightful discussions have occurred in this fleeting manner. What a gift!

What I've noticed is that outside of my own "circle" there is not a community for moms to gather who wrestle with the short and long-term issues of prioritizing motherhood. We have stay-at-home mom local support groups, and working mother blogs, magazines and such for mothers who stay in the workforce full-time. Where do the mothers who have made "in-between" choices go for support, ideas, career advice and a place to share?

This is my passion; this is why I'm launching www.inspiringmotherhood.com.

I want to hear your story - WE, want to hear your story. Together, we will bring the role of motherhood to the level it deserves in our hustling & bustling society. Not viewed as a sacrifice, but as an honor and a responibility that we embrace. And instead of fearing the reaction to having this role listed on your resume as a fatal gap in experience, it will be simply regarded as an example of your ability to prioritize critical life choices.

Join me! Sign up as a follower of this blog...and invite a few moms along the way!

The true blessing of having choices

After the birth of our second daughter (I'll explain our first daughter's situation later), I needed to go back to work. My husband was changing careers, I was the chief bread winner and provider of health benefits. I was able to work out a decent schedule - 3 days in the office or with clients and the balance of the week working from home.

I was blessed to have my mom take care of Ava two days per week, while my husband was able to watch Ava and Sydney one day per week. Fantastic!! While it was very difficult (I don't think I have the words) I knew I needed to make this happen...or not pay the mortgage!! I at least was able to stay home until Ava was four months old, which was incredible.

As my first year closed in, my sales numbers exceeded targets, I got to see my mom regularly since she and my dad lived @ two hours away, and my husband was experiencing great success in his new career.

When we started thinking about having another baby I developed this deep pit in my stomach. I enjoyed what I did professionally, but it was becoming less satisfying and more stressful not to be home. I never worried about the care of my child, it was a different kind of feeling. One that was bigger than I could explain.

As my husband's success increased and my new pregnancy began, I felt compelled to tell my employer right away that I was not coming back in my role or for the same time commitment. I would help hire and train a replacement, and we'd discuss my ideas for something I could do in less than 20 hours per week. Whew!! Did that feel good to say!!

I started feeling the beginnings of realizing how incredibly lucky I am to have choices in my life. This world is riddled with life situations that don't allow a mother or father to consider choices - single parents have one of the heaviest burdens to carry and it's hard to imagine the stress they manage on a day to day basis. This new feeling of mine would only grow stronger as I welcomed our newest daughter, Calley, to the family. And after she celebrated her first birthday I started re-evaluating my choices again...and made some surprising and not-so-surprising decisions.

Looking back a bit

Maybe it's just going to be the first few days or weeks of sharing my story, but I thought a lot about what I wanted to say today yet couldn't quite wrap it all together.

I grew up with a mother who stayed home raising me and my two younger brothers. This was very typical leading up to this period of time. Not once did my mother miss a thing - she was always there and didn't seem to show the tough days on her face or in her voice. God bless her for that!

Once I hit Jr. High, a strange pattern started emerging. Parents were getting divorced at an alarming rate. It was incredibly painful; not only were my friends coping with having two homes, but mothers started facing the tough reality of entering the workforce for the first time. This was scary and my age group all across the US got to watch it unfold...oh what fun the '80's were!

With these visions imprinted, fast forward to the mid to late 90's when most of us "girls" were now college graduates, several years into our careers. The need for and quest for independence, breaking glass ceilings and competing with men in the executive ranks was extremely high! Maybe, just maybe, fear of repeating history and ending up divorced with no ability to make a decent income to support a family has set in. Many of us have waited until our 30's to have a family, and some of us (including me) ended up with a first marriage that failed. Career focused, yes. Family focused, not so much.

Here's a discovery I made soon after becoming a mother and trying to juggle too much - maybe I don't have to let fear of failure dictate who I choose to be. When I became a mother, it finally all started to make some sense.

My new adventure!

My first blog...wow! WAHOO!

For someone who typically analyzes and plans for every detail - I have to say that this feels quite cathartic! I guess "firsts" tend to be that way. So far, it feels quite rewarding to finally put into action my ideas for creating a voice for mothers who put being a mother first.

Our world has pretty much warped our idea of motherhood into a having it all or nothing mantra. Well, I'd like to help us embrace the fact that this notion is not only false, but it's terribly destructive. For our children, our marriage...and for us!!

Here's to the moms who go to great lengths to put their role as a mother first; even when we've spent years building an identity around what we've achieved professionally. Do you smell bra's burning? I think I might!! Until tomorrow!!